o hai

It started out with me being mentally knackered from doing all the gallavanting around for my CBT. It evolved into a bit of worry whether I was getting SAD again, and eventually mutated into Worrying About Other Things. It meant that I didn’t update the blog for over four months. Oops…
Several things have prompted me to write again, one of which is the fact that I got a letter from the Benefits Agency yesterday asking me to “telephone to make an appointment for a medical”. They took their time. Two things amuse me about the letter. First, it tells me that I must “contact them within two days of receipt of this letter”. It wasn’t sent registered post or anything, so how on earth could they know when I received it? I had visions of it spontaneously combusting like the Top Secret messages on Mission Impossible. Second, the whole “telephone to make an appointment” thing. When I filled in form IB50, I clearly stated I have problems using the telephone. I suppose they expect me to ask someone else, but it’s just a teensy niggle that something I’ve said about my health problems has been ignored. Oh, and they STILL have me down as a “Miss”. I’ve never been a Miss in all the time I’ve claimed IB…
These are little things though, and I know I’m being picky, but this letter has put me on my guard because of last time. I feel more anxious at the thought of attending this medical than I do walking into the village and looking round the shops. Of course, the anxiety was bound to happen, but I tried to convince myself that I could put on an act, and show them what I was like on a bad day. The ironic thing is, that it would be better if my anxiety was high during the medical, and it makes me hate the whole thing even more.
Getting there is still going to mean Mr D taking time off work, and therein lies yet another obstacle. I mentioned ages ago about “worries with money”, well, things came to a head a couple of months ago, and Mr D had to get another job. It was only a temporary contract, so obviously he was looking around at the same time. He was offered a permanent position recently – and starts on Monday. Now, I’m certain that if push comes to shove, his employers will let him have the time off, but it still doesn’t look good.
I telephoned the number on the letter yesterday afternoon. I picked up the phone without thinking about it, and just dialled. The chap I spoke to was very pleasant, and obviously in a call centre. I told him I’d had the letter, and he asked me when would be a good time for me to attend.
“Well” I said, “that’s the problem.”
I explained about Mr D’s new job, and how getting time off might be an issue, and that I couldn’t attend without him. The man offered me a cancellation today, which was impossible – Mr D couldn’t even give his employers a day’s notice, and it would be unpaid leave. I turned it down, along with another one for the beginning of next week. The man explained that he was only able to offer two appointment choices, and while my head was spinning trying to work out what to do, he said, “tell you what, I can put you down for December 14th in the circumstances”. So, December 14th it is. Mr D will have to take half a day’s holiday, but at least he’s able to let his employers know well in advance.
Of course, my other big worry about this is who will be the examining medical practitioner. I asked the chap on the phone, and he said that all I could do was ring the place where the medicals are held nearer the time. What if it’s that same doctor? Do I have the right to refuse to be examined without it affecting my benefits? I’ve been working on something to say just in case – along the lines of “I do not want to be examined by a doctor who has obviously no experience with mental health issues, and no idea what medical problem he is assessing”. I don’t know. If it comes to that, I’ll probably gabble on incoherently and get upset. It may not come to that, though, and I have to keep my thoughts rational – at least, until nearer the time – I can be as anxious as I like on the day…
PS comments are off – I was being spammed to death, so email me if you have any burning thoughts.

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